The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
