Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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