Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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