the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
