Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
