I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
operation harelip BJ is a go
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
