I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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