1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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