Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I believe in your delicious
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
