What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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