just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
