We're like a lot better than the average bears
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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