Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize