it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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