Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
