We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
