Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
