god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize