I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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