Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
