I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
