Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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