god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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