I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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