the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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