I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
