Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
