Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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