i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
