how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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