I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
