just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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