who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
