I think my fart just growled at me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
