During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
