this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
