I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
