im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
