he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
