I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wanna go halves on a baby?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
