Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
