we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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