i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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