doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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