Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
