he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
