she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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