What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We need to rekindle our bromance
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
