You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
