I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i drank out of a bidet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
