so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
