i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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