i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
