laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
