I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
