Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
