he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
