How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
