btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
