I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
