You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
