Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
