You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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