So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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