i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
