May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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