i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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