final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
