It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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