i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
