what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
