A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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