He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize