Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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