Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
